he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
