i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
