I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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