Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
