dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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