dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
