Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
