Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
