life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
