and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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