I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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