About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was born a porn star she said
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
