sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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