you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
