I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
