yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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