peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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