hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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