tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
pray to the hookup gods
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
