Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
