I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
