You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
