Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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