So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
