Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
