I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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