a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
