Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
