we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
