she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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