sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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