Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
