so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
