Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
