I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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