My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize