So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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