and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pooping to opera.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize