She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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