before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
