omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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