Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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