I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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