I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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