We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize