The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
