she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Of course I have a pirate flag
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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