I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
