And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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