I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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