saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
