i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
