:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
