I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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