I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
