I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
