as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
