so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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