It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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