he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
