I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
