I cannot find my penis.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
