i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
