I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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