i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were trust falling into bushes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
