Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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