Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
