She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
