Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
