why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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