I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And then he peed in my hair
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