I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize