i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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