I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
