just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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