how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
