I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize