i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
