Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
