so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
